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Magic moments....on the 'phone..................or why " technician Bruce gets Surly..."

11. I've used that DF25 for a year and a bit. Should I recharge it yet?

10. ..but the boat was only submerged overnight..

9. So me drilling a hole in the battery ain't covered by the warranty ? ..

8. The fire? Oh, I got tired of the fuse blowing and jammed in a nail instead....

7. Well, I did the hook the battery backwards at first, but only for a few minutes.

6. I wound up the regulator to 17v for a really fast charge....

5. The batteries were way low so I plugged the charger into the inverter.....

4. I heard that dry batteries are maintenance free, so I emptied the water out.

3. Breaker panel? Naw,  I managed to jam all fourteen connectors onto the battery posts...

2. I figured I'd just plug it in to the 230 outlet and worry about the input selector switch later..

1. You mean I can't change the Alternator belt without stopping the engine?

    Bruce.The Wise    

technical bruce - insights and descriptors.

RFS - Ready for smelting - any battery long past any useful electrochemical function; (cf; Dead.) 

UnderKilled - a chronically undersized system - Not enough plate material for the task at hand - 2 x 4D's running all the bells and whistles of a 40 sailboat and its 3000 watt Inverter spring to mind. (See hopeFull)

FC - FrankenCharger or power supply posing as a regulated battery charge device which cooks the batteries in a somewhat pitiless, unregulated manner. ("But we liked the name!")

FS. - frankenSystem - a cobbled together battery system of unpredictable, usually deadly character.

Nuked and Cooked - death by FrankenCharging. 

Popped - Positive plate growth pushing the post up /or distorting the case walls outwards - a subset of frankenCharging and usually aggravated by poor thermal ventilation. 

Bad Egg Smell - Often remarked on by stunned survivors; That combination of age, poor design or frankenCharging happily venting copious hydrogen sulphide and acid mist in your vessel; 

Woops - A spark usually from a loose or broken wire/battery post connector. (aka. Noisy redecorating.)

Noisy Redecoration - when a small woops ignites a big Bad Egg Smell - aka; Explosion.

Good and Balanced - (Mythical) a properly sized and cabled battery bank with balanced load to charge ratio - a normal marine battery system. Oh,.!.. and they paid retail.

truly nasty and really Evil - the polar opposite of a good and balanced battery system. 

three step gas - Deadly chlorine gas - the result of battery acid mixing with sea-water

fresh off Noahs Arc - a battery or alternator of untold vintage / years.

Wrongful Righteous - an outraged Emptor who listened not to Technical Caveats aplenty.
( aka; 'selective hearing syndrome')

'Works perfectly!' - Hmm...Not in any battery Technical Manual we are familiar with. 

You are welcome to link to this page but it is copyright.  Don't make The Bruce's Surly!  

Yep. There are 3 of them.
The Loud. The Quiet  and The Furry._aka 

 The Good. Bruce.The Good.The Bad, Bruce. The Bad. and the Cuddly.Bruce.The Cuddly.

(sigh) Pray for me would you?

Bruce.The  Wise. Bruce.The Cheap! Bruce.The Surly. Bruce.The Q&A
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